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The NIT
The NIT is content to sit back and wait for ultra-premium hands, and will blind
himself into oblivion if necessary. Plays nothing but Aces,
Kings, Queens, and sometimes, AK. When you’re re-raised by a NIT, you can safely fold hands up to, and including, QQ.
The Best Player At The Elks Lodge
The BPATEL is someone who knows just enough about poker to beat a NIT. Will make obvious bluffs
with busted draws, will check monster hands on the turn and get no real value for them on the
river. You want to play lots of pots with BPATEL’s because, well, they really don’t know how to
play, but they think they do and will pay you off handsomely trying to prove it to you.
The College Dorm Champion
The CDC is the King of his dorm’s .25/.50 No Limit game held on Saturday nights while all the
cool kids are out with the cheerleaders. CDC’s believe in
check-raise bluffs,
semi-bluffs,
all-in bluffs, and bluff calls. CDC’s never believe anyone has a hand that they won’t lay down
to a check-raise, so this is their main weapon. How do you beat CDC’s? To be honest with you, I
wouldn’t know. I dated a cheerleader, so I was busy on Saturday nights.
The Super-Serious $2/$4 Limit Player
These guys are the most fun to sit at a table with. Not because you’ll learn anything, or take
them for a big score, but simply because they’re self-proclaimed experts at poker. They wear
hats, sunglasses, and iPods whether they’re playing live or online. They never lose a hand that
someone else didn’t suck out on them. They actually believe bluffing is possible at the $2/$4
level, and when 2nd pair calls their bluff and wins the pot, the air is filled with the sounds
of them berating the other players for being donkeys. These are the guys who wear the silk
shirts with Royal Flush’s spread out on the back of them when they play live. When they finally
move up to $5/$10, they’ll be the ones who have the Royal Flush tattoo’s on their arms. I love
these guys; they used to pay my heating bill.
The “I’m down 30 buy-in’s this week, and it’s all from bad beats!” Player
This is the player who plays K5 suited and can’t lay down the K when it hits, no matter how many
people are in the pot. They play any two suited cards, any 2 cards that are 2-gap or less, and
any Ace, and can’t fold any of them if they hit a flop. They whine constantly about being
out-kicked, and can’t understand why they have such bad luck. Solid, ABC poker will gradually
empty them out for the night, but they’ll be back, you can bet (and win) on it. These players
are priceless. They’re the ATM’s of poker, and when you find one, you should consider moving
closer to the casino he plays in (or to his hometown, if he plays exclusively online).
In the immortal words of Kenny Banya, these players, “Are gold, Jerry….GOLD!” I’m not saying you
can quit your day jobs and make a living beating these players. You can, however, take your wife
out for dinner and a show once a week. All you need to do is hit the ATM. |

Online Poker Sites Reviews:
PokerStars.com
Absolute Poker.com
FullTilt Poker.com
PartyPoker.com
Pacific Poker.com
TitanPoker.com
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